please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
