Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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