so explain again why im purple
no
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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