what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
