it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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