I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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