Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
