forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
