She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
