What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
