Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
