as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Found the puke drawer
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
