The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
