I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
