guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
