I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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