How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize