so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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