I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
