I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I need to stop coming to work sober
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The beer is more important than you right now.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
