I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When are your genitals available?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
