She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Mom said you looked used
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
