I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
