she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I wear drunk well.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize