Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
