honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
