I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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