I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
