Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
