I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
