my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
