One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
