you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
