"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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