Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
