By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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