8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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