There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
