help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
