highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
