Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
