I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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