Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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