Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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