I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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