im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
