walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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