I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Floor bacon is actually really good
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
