He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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