I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
