Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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