I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
