Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
