I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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