Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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