Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
