just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
