if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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