i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
