i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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