Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
