did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
operation harelip BJ is a go
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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