If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
