did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Randomize
