she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
